It’s impressive how one man can rack up more court appearances than most crime syndicates. From hush money scandals to classified document hoarding, Trump’s legal portfolio reads like a Netflix crime drama—except the main character insists he’s done absolutely nothing wrong while simultaneously demanding total immunity. Whether it’s fraud, obstruction, or just the occasional “perfect phone call” that somehow triggers an impeachment, his lawyers must have a loyalty test more rigorous than a royal guard selection. But fear not—if the verdict isn’t favourable, it’s all rigged, folks!
—WITCH HUNT! That’s what it is, folks, the biggest, most unfair persecution in history. Nobody’s been treated worse—nobody! These radical left prosecutors, totally corrupt, totally biased, coming after me because I’m winning. They couldn’t beat me at the ballot box, so now they try the courtroom—DISGRACEFUL! I did nothing wrong, not a thing, PERFECT phone calls, PERFECT business, PERFECT everything! Meanwhile, real criminals—they walk free! But don’t worry, folks, we’re fighting back, and now, it’ll be the greatest comeback ever!
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